Falling Below The Noise During A Heated Argument
Yesterday my husband and I were in an argument. We were both triggered and it was getting very heated between us. The energy in the room felt dense and impenetrable. Both of us were unable to hear the other and felt completely misunderstood. I had to go for a walk because we were both so upset. While I was out walking, I let the fresh air soften me as the fight continued to run through. As I kept breathing and staying with the discomfort, it hit me that we both just needed to be given the space to hear each other, uninterrupted. So, when I got back I suggested that we each have 5 minutes to speak uninterrupted while the other person sat still, listened and received. Just like in meditation. I asked my husband to go first.
As I sat and dissolved into the open moment, I noticed his energy started to settle into his body immediately. I kept breathing and receiving. As he continued to speak, I became very aware that when I would flinch away even in the slightest, he would animate that in how he was talking. And when I relaxed the motion to move he would continue to drop and soften. It was brilliant to see his perspective start to shift. He began to touch on and feel some of the things I was trying to say to him in our argument. He was able to see the places where he had been harsh in his communication with me and was able to convey what he had been angry at me about without judgement. I did nothing but sit still and let it all wash over me. I did not defend anything. I just kept on staying and returning to the emptiness. It didn't matter if some of what he said was his own stuff and not about me at all, Truth is not threatened by any of it. Any motion to try and block whatever is being offered is when our vision gets skewed.
When it was my turn to talk, I didn't have words at first, so we just sat and gazed at one another and breathed. When the words came, my communication felt very simple and clear. I wasn't caught up in any of the particulars, I just felt very raw and could share the hurt of feeling so separate from one another in those moments. As things continued to unravel, we both felt deeply met, seen and heard by one another. This was not because we tried to fix, change or convince the other person of what we felt was true. It was because we stopped and fell below the noise and let our true nature do the rest.
As I sat and dissolved into the open moment, I noticed his energy started to settle into his body immediately. I kept breathing and receiving. As he continued to speak, I became very aware that when I would flinch away even in the slightest, he would animate that in how he was talking. And when I relaxed the motion to move he would continue to drop and soften. It was brilliant to see his perspective start to shift. He began to touch on and feel some of the things I was trying to say to him in our argument. He was able to see the places where he had been harsh in his communication with me and was able to convey what he had been angry at me about without judgement. I did nothing but sit still and let it all wash over me. I did not defend anything. I just kept on staying and returning to the emptiness. It didn't matter if some of what he said was his own stuff and not about me at all, Truth is not threatened by any of it. Any motion to try and block whatever is being offered is when our vision gets skewed.
When it was my turn to talk, I didn't have words at first, so we just sat and gazed at one another and breathed. When the words came, my communication felt very simple and clear. I wasn't caught up in any of the particulars, I just felt very raw and could share the hurt of feeling so separate from one another in those moments. As things continued to unravel, we both felt deeply met, seen and heard by one another. This was not because we tried to fix, change or convince the other person of what we felt was true. It was because we stopped and fell below the noise and let our true nature do the rest.
Freedom
There is always Love here - that never leaves and is the reason why my husband and I can let it all hang out, so to speak. The trust is profound between us and because there is a knowing that Love is the source of who we are, the relationship is completely used to flush out everything that's not true.
The freedom for me is not being done "one day" with anger or any other emotion - it's truly about being here in the midst of whatever shows up and letting the Divine, my own Self teach and guide me through it. There is so much joy and intimacy experienced because of this - and when it plays out in intimate partnership it's like the icing on the cake. Yum.
The freedom for me is not being done "one day" with anger or any other emotion - it's truly about being here in the midst of whatever shows up and letting the Divine, my own Self teach and guide me through it. There is so much joy and intimacy experienced because of this - and when it plays out in intimate partnership it's like the icing on the cake. Yum.
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