Embracing Vulnerability In Your Intimate Partnership
When we get into an argument with our mate, it is usually about something deeper than what is actually being talked about. When we embrace our vulnerability in the midst of any conflict we are having with another, we naturally become interested in the pain that we are protecting. The shielding of this pain is the only thing causing you not to feel connected with your intimate partner.
The next time you start feeling disconnected from your mate see what happens if you stop and let a breath come in. See if you are able to take a time out from the details of the story. Ask your mate if he/she is willing to sit across from you and breathe together. While doing this, gently place your hand over your heart and have your intimate partner do the same. Keep letting the story and details fade away while you sit facing one another. You may notice a lot of emotions start to arise. Or you might feel numb and even more disconnected. Whatever shows itself, just keep staying and letting the breath soften you. Be willing to sit in the discomfort and the uncertainty of not knowing how to meet and feel connected here.
The key is being honest with yourself and being willing to share what is beyond the story. It is about being vulnerable and taking risks with each other. Remember, that you and your mate are more alike than you think. You both learned to protect your heart from a very early age. You both feel afraid that if you let your guard down the point you are trying to make will not be heard. My husband and I come up against this place all the time and what we've learned is that we are actually more powerful when we are not trying to prove our point to one another. When we relax and trust beyond the story, there is so much space to hear and see one another's point of view. There is understanding and intimacy around why we are triggered and we can move beyond it together in love. This is much different than being right about the details of an argument. Once you begin to taste the intimacy from being vulnerable with each other, you would never settle for just winning an argument again.
When two people are willing to be vulnerable in relationship a true honoring of what is sacred and real becomes the focal point and foundation of the partnership.
The next time you start feeling disconnected from your mate see what happens if you stop and let a breath come in. See if you are able to take a time out from the details of the story. Ask your mate if he/she is willing to sit across from you and breathe together. While doing this, gently place your hand over your heart and have your intimate partner do the same. Keep letting the story and details fade away while you sit facing one another. You may notice a lot of emotions start to arise. Or you might feel numb and even more disconnected. Whatever shows itself, just keep staying and letting the breath soften you. Be willing to sit in the discomfort and the uncertainty of not knowing how to meet and feel connected here.
The key is being honest with yourself and being willing to share what is beyond the story. It is about being vulnerable and taking risks with each other. Remember, that you and your mate are more alike than you think. You both learned to protect your heart from a very early age. You both feel afraid that if you let your guard down the point you are trying to make will not be heard. My husband and I come up against this place all the time and what we've learned is that we are actually more powerful when we are not trying to prove our point to one another. When we relax and trust beyond the story, there is so much space to hear and see one another's point of view. There is understanding and intimacy around why we are triggered and we can move beyond it together in love. This is much different than being right about the details of an argument. Once you begin to taste the intimacy from being vulnerable with each other, you would never settle for just winning an argument again.
When two people are willing to be vulnerable in relationship a true honoring of what is sacred and real becomes the focal point and foundation of the partnership.
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